stepping into the unknown

by | Mar 20, 2016 | jax boy | 14 comments

honoring the death part is so much easier for me than honoring the “dying” part of the process. even as i finally wrote that i had to contradict myself, because on a deep level i know we are *all* dying every day after moment we are born. simply, we don’t know when that will happen so it is easy to live as if that day is far away.

what i struggle with mightily is the “getting palpably close to the end” part… i have complete acceptance of how any of us might get there, with awareness or no, judgment or no, kindness or no — we all have our paths to enlightenment and going from primitive to wholeness.

what gets my heart stuck in the vise of pain is the moments of suffering brought on by the choices we’ve made and how they affect our hearts, spirits and bodies.

jax doesn’t know what’s going on. more and more frequently he lays down because for some reason his hips don’t work the way they used to. getting up isn’t easy and so he doesn’t. and at the same time, he seems to be getting even more wise. he sits and his ears are perked for every sound, head swiveling to take it all in. his alertness makes deciding “when” all the more difficult.

everyone says i will simply know. i feel in my bones this is true, and i desperately hope to not overwhelm his soul with my sadness, loss and grief. i keep praying for divine love and calm when it is needed. because i Know i cannot do this alone.

thank you jax boy for your many many gifts of love and fun, giggles and joy. i sincerely hope your soul knows how much i love you.

for now, you’re still here, so let’s go take another walk while i get to enjoy your sweet self!

i ask for the strength and courage to reach deep and show him all of the love and loyalty he has blessed me with.

today we have today!

for right here, right now, i’m grateful to take a walk together and sit in nature.

i asked for guidance and i was immediately given “rejoice NOW. you are here together NOW. down the road there may be tears, and that time is not now. don’t anticipate the pain, enjoy the present! that is all you can truly know. Do this one moment well, and it will serve you all your life.”

this is a beautiful morning already.

14 Comments

  1. Maxine Bassett
    Maxine Bassett on March 20, 2016 at 10:01 pm

    So happy that Jax has loved me too. I love that sweet and gentle being. I will be here for you my Dear. Mom

    Reply
    • Karen
      Karen on March 23, 2016 at 5:58 pm

      Sandy, I just weep reading this because I love today and having my Wooly and Bingo today, reading about your beloved Jax, knowing your deep connection. You write and express well of the process of stepping into the unknown…
      It’s just really hard to see or be in the active phase of letting go of loved ones. And dog friends have been my anchor to unconditional love in a world of addiction, trauma, broken promises. Sometimes I despair over the unknown and being human but I have felt deep repair and restoration with dogs and nature.
      I am messy this way. Not enlightened or helpful really.
      Except I will pray for you, Sandy, and for Jax, your soul companion, and for all the people tending, loving, and letting go of precious beings we hold so dear. Sat Nam.

      Reply
      • xandyblog
        xandyblog on March 31, 2016 at 2:35 am

        karen, thank you, i SO get the messy-ness, because it just is. It’s a warm feeling knowing you’re out there, just caring. love to you and all your pups and creatures.

    • xandyblog
      xandyblog on March 31, 2016 at 2:33 am

      jax loves you a lot and that makes me so happy too, mom! heartfelt thanks to you for being there for us.

      Reply
  2. Pat
    Pat on May 26, 2016 at 8:02 pm

    A relationship is deeply felt between two living creatures based on trust, respect, comfort, sharing, touch, sound, joy and love. Each has its time and place in the memory of the one who gives love and the one who receives love. That is a gift of forever…never ever gone for the memory of all those sensations will always remain. Jax will always remain…..

    Reply
    • xandyblog
      xandyblog on June 7, 2016 at 5:38 pm

      yes Pat, thank you! all of the energy is always here, it simply shifts in shape and nature, yes? all of us sentient beings get the chance every day to connect with each other and with love… may i do this with conscious clarity each day that I’m given. much love to you!

      Reply
  3. Bobby
    Bobby on November 17, 2016 at 4:50 am

    Your article was exelelcnt and erudite.

    Reply

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