honoring the death part is so much easier for me than honoring the “dying” part of the process. even as i finally wrote that i had to contradict myself, because on a deep level i know we are *all* dying every day after moment we are born. simply, we don’t know when that will happen so it is easy to live as if that day is far away.

what i struggle with mightily is the “getting palpably close to the end” part… i have complete acceptance of how any of us might get there, with awareness or no, judgment or no, kindness or no — we all have our paths to enlightenment and going from primitive to wholeness.

what gets my heart stuck in the vise of pain is the moments of suffering brought on by the choices we’ve made and how they affect our hearts, spirits and bodies.

jax doesn’t know what’s going on. more and more frequently he lays down because for some reason his hips don’t work the way they used to. getting up isn’t easy and so he doesn’t. and at the same time, he seems to be getting even more wise. he sits and his ears are perked for every sound, head swiveling to take it all in. his alertness makes deciding “when” all the more difficult.

everyone says i will simply know. i feel in my bones this is true, and i desperately hope to not overwhelm his soul with my sadness, loss and grief. i keep praying for divine love and calm when it is needed. because i Know i cannot do this alone.

thank you jax boy for your many many gifts of love and fun, giggles and joy. i sincerely hope your soul knows how much i love you.

for now, you’re still here, so let’s go take another walk while i get to enjoy your sweet self!

i ask for the strength and courage to reach deep and show him all of the love and loyalty he has blessed me with.

today we have today!

for right here, right now, i’m grateful to take a walk together and sit in nature.

i asked for guidance and i was immediately given “rejoice NOW. you are here together NOW. down the road there may be tears, and that time is not now. don’t anticipate the pain, enjoy the present! that is all you can truly know. Do this one moment well, and it will serve you all your life.”

this is a beautiful morning already.