sometimes we are allowed to see the passing of time. today, in day 11 of my self-directed metta practice I started with exactly where I am. Mostly simply because I don’t know of any other place to be. (small lol there)
 
earlier, I saw a sweet selection of some pix from 12-13 years ago. I was about 40, jax was a puppy. I had/have never had a dog before and I learned everything from scratch. I made some mistakes and we had many glorious successes. we were “young” pups together.
 
as i look back on these incredibly succulent memories I simply smile and grin with happiness.
 
sometimes in the moment I don’t always see how incredible it was until later when I get to revisit it. it’s all okay. i do believe it would be amazing to just fully Be in the moment, every time. Simply, sometimes I’m not up to it. I’m just way too human… Jax does better at the in the moment stuff than I do, for sure. Sometimes I’m just not time-mature enough to see what is really happening right in front of me until later. I’m guessing you’ve had this happen to you?
 
as i lean into tonight’s metta, I am also leaning into the touchstone that this beautiful jax boy creature has been for me that is at the same time both hauntingly beautiful and a bit heartbroken. I know for a fact I don’t get this kind of simple sweet loyal unconditional love for forever in this physical world. he will pass, and so will I.
 
meandJaxLagunaBeach
“This existence of ours is as transient as autumn clouds.
To watch the birth and death of beings is like looking at the movements of a dance.
A lifetime is like a flash of lightning in the sky,
Rushing by like a torrent down a steep mountain.”
:: Gautama Buddha
and then my simple five minute timer started and it was wiggle wiggle squiggle. squirrel!
!!
and, it’s all okay. this is life. every day life. this is me, shoe horning me into my daily practices. doing them regardless. never knowing where they lead. KNOWING that simply because I do the work every day, when the trials come, I WILL be more resilient. I will be more true to who I am and who I want to grow into. let’s all keep practicing to be the best of who we want to be. namasté.